"Why do you ask, Emil?"
Well, I'll tell you why: because it stinking seems like no matter what I do, I can never seem to get ahead—that's why! I think like 213lbs. is apparently the magic weight of a guy whose metabolism and incredibly slow lifestyle is like mine.
"Maybe you should do something. You know, like go to the gym or something like that."
Oh yeah, Dr. Freud? Well why don't YOU go to the gym so you can get up out of my face! I tried that. It's like I'm Mr. Cardio-death out there among the sweaty skinny people. You know, maybe being an extra on Richard Simmon's workout video would make me feel better, but it's probably really a bunch of extra trim, buff folks in fat suits and Velour workout outfits.
I guess consistency is probably the best way to get ahead, but the problem is that nothing is consistent around here. Oftentimes the work schedule keeps me out until 8pm, rarely, but sometimes later. You know, you get hungry after climbing under desks or behind furniture.
Perhaps what I need is a nice quiet gym where there are no people staring and wondering at the red-faced flabby guy in the corner clutching his heart.
"Whoa! It sounds like you'd have to wake up pretty early in order to pull off something like, right?"
Yeah, I guess you're right. But please allow me to digress from my self-induced dialogue to tell you a little story of a fellow I used to ride the bus with back in elementary school in Valdosta, GA. One Mr. Herndon Alexander Walker (my good buddy, Al) also started to bulk up a bit after high-school and during college, and at one time, weighed about 200Lbs, like me. One of the last times I saw him though, he was incredibly thin and looked as if he were about to board the old blue-bird again with me.
When I asked him how he managed to get so thin, he replied that he went to bed very early and thus woke up early enough to do a workout every morning in his neighborhood activity center's gym. And do you know what? He suggested that I join him.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Emil, . . . please. You've been missing in this blog for almost 9 months. It seems highly unlikely that you would be willing to commit to such a drastic change to your lethargic lifestyle."
And I have to say, you're absolutely right! This was about 4 years ago when he asked me . . . long before this little blog was even thought up. But in the middle of the year, I got a new job working on computers for a company in downtown Atlanta, across from the CNN center and Centennial Olympic Park. I'll bet you can probably guess where my good pal, Al, works, right? If you said CNN, you're dead on the money. So I had lunch with him last Wednesday. And he offered, yet again, his neighborhood gym for free! He even mentioned that we might be able to carpool together some days.
Now remember, Marci's lost about 30Lbs. going to her gym, and she's even won a free year for signing up 5 people, anyway, I spoke to her and she thought it would be a great idea for me to wake up and workout with Al. So I did, the very next morning.
This is an elliptical machine. I've seen them before, but never had the pleasure of having a heart-attack on one . . . until now (not really). This was the machine that got me started with my first workout. I was on it clipping at a very slow and steady pace when Al suggested (sensing I might be moving too slowly to burn fat) that I should get my heart-rate up to at least 120bpm in order to burn fat. He apparently could tell that I was trying to take it easy on my first day. So when I looked down at the heart-rate monitor and asked him if 180bpm was better at burning fat, he replied—after asking incredulously if I was joking since I had only been on the thing for 2 minutes—that I should definitely slow down, so my heart wouldn't explode on the very first day of working out.
I decided that waking EVERY day at 4:30a.m. was going to be a little tricky for me, but I committed to 2 days a week, Tuesday and Thursday. Today was my second day in the gym, and all in all, I'd say it went pretty well. I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out how I'm doing, finally.
By the way, I haven't thrown-up yet, so I think i'm doing pretty well, and I weigh 209Lbs. now and have broken through my 213Lb. barrier. So, I guess you were right . . . going to the gym wasn't such a bad idea after all.
"Told you so!"
Shut up!
